Starting today from 23:00 to 05:00 a laser ALIEN satellite will measure the temperature of the population (rectally). Please stick your bottom out of the open window towards the stars. Hold an open ID in your right hand.
Jesus and Moses were hanging out in Heaven one day when they got to discussing their mutual boredom.
Moses said, “Hey Jesus, you know what we haven’t done in a while? Go down to Earth and perform some miracles.”
“What miracle would you like to perform first?” asked Moses.
“I think I’ll walk on water,” replied Jesus. “Last time I did that the people really went wild!”
So Jesus walked to the edge of a lake surrounded by hundreds of people, took a step onto the water …
And promptly sank.
Confused, he stepped out of the water, tried again …
And sank for the second time.
He turned to Moses and said, “I don’t know what’s wrong. Last time I did this it worked like a charm!”